My boyfriend has a crush on someone else

Most of us go through it and never tell a soul. We might joke about our fascination with a friend or go a little out of our way to feel confident when our target is near — brushing on mascara though we typically go bare-lashed, opting for a push-up instead of a boob-squashing bralette. Crushes are powerful things — just ask every teenager ever my boyfriend has a crush on someone else and when we experience that power, we have a couple of options. Phillips, author of the thorough, daring, and fascinating book Unrequited: Women and Romantic Obsessionhas to say on the matter.

I have been with my partner for a couple of years now, and he has several high school friends who visited from out of state recently who I got to finally meet. His best friend has a sister who lives in our area, who met up with us as well for lunch and came with his whole crew and us to the bar afterwards. I was sitting between him and her at lunch, and the vibe got really flirty between them. He got sort of giggly and lit up while talking to her, asking her questions about her life, just seeming way too interested. On the way to the bar he and I rode together. I tried to ask him about it and he insisted he had not flirted with her and we got in a pretty big fight on the way to the bar.

My boyfriend has a crush on someone else

In this life, only two things are certain. While they might be more likely to sprout up during a lull or a rough patch with your partner, they can strike at any time. Maybe there's a cute barista at the coffee place down the street, or a sexy new person in your friend circle, and you find yourself looking forward to your future interactions with them a liiiiiittle too much, and bask in the rush from their attention for hours afterwards. It might feel special, but it's incredibly normal. Our brains are excellent at convincing us that sex with this new person will be extremely hot. Because as steamy as the sex you're already having with your partner may be, it's still the same steamy sex you've been having for the past four years. It's comfortable and familiar, and every so often we crave the thrill of something new. Keep it to yourself—definitely for now, probably forever. You might be tempted to tell your partner for all kinds of reasons. Maybe you believe it will help to end the crush.

If, for example, what you really want is to have more exciting sex with your partner, or if you and your partner fight about the kitchen renovation every evening after work, then the issue is that, and your crush is just the symptom.

What is within your control is how you handle the crush. Do you obsess over it, or do you just acknowledge it and then carry on with your life? Note that in this piece, we are focusing on couples in monogamous, exclusive relationships. In open or polyamorous arrangements , the rules may differ; acting on crushes may be permissible or even encouraged. It may have more to do with you and your family or relationship history than it does with the person. A crush that starts innocently enough might begin to cross the line into emotional affair territory if left unchecked.

We can help you with pressing concerns that are affecting your relationships - with a partner, a child, a family member or friend. Relate has local Centres across the UK. The services each centre provides vary because each centre tailors their services - such as couples counselling, sex therapy and counselling for children and young people - to the needs of their local community. If you live in Scotland, please contact our sister organisation Relationships Scotland at www. If this is how you feel right now, try not to worry. This is far more common situation than most people realise.

My boyfriend has a crush on someone else

Most of us go through it and never tell a soul. We might joke about our fascination with a friend or go a little out of our way to feel confident when our target is near — brushing on mascara though we typically go bare-lashed, opting for a push-up instead of a boob-squashing bralette. Crushes are powerful things — just ask every teenager ever — and when we experience that power, we have a couple of options. Phillips, author of the thorough, daring, and fascinating book Unrequited: Women and Romantic Obsession , has to say on the matter. Phillips offers an example: Say you had an erratic, unpredictable father, so you marry someone hyper-stable and together. If you start crushing on this guy, it might be because you have unfinished business with your father. Your intellect may know better, but the psyche wants what it wants. The task, says Phillips, is self-reflection.

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That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall. Related Posts. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor? Submit a tip. Yes, I agree that it would be nice for you to be more a part of his friend group after years of being together, and it would be flattering if they reached out to include you, on social media and in real life. Ever since this incident, I feel betrayed that he never told me about her. Therapy Work For Me! Part of HuffPost Relationships. Is it wrong of me to be so hurt by this?

Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation Read More. Sylvia Smith shares insights on love revitalization and conscious living.

So is staying later at work than you usually do. The task, says Phillips, is self-reflection. Psych Mom Show Podcast! Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Our experts insist there is no black-and-white answer here. Or texting someone more often than you used to. Are there people who have an open relationship of some kind to account for this very thing? Already contributed? Featured In Terms and Conditions. In private he does make me feel special. For starters, do not reveal this to your crush, Hardie-Williams said.