I dont wanna live but i dont wanna die

In my experience, these are different levels of depression. The 12 Steps are nice and all, and they keep me sober, but I suffered from deep depression and suicidal thoughts since I was a child—this is clinical depression that only medication can address usually. The first level of depression has nothing to do with actually dying.

Home Mental Health Information. Does this thought feel familiar? If so, you are not alone. Many people who struggle with their mental health have experienced similar thoughts and feelings. Not everyone who thinks about dying wants to die.

I dont wanna live but i dont wanna die

Theodora Blanchfield is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and mental health writer using her experiences to help others. She holds a master's degree in clinical psychology from Antioch University and is a board member of Still I Run, a non-profit for runners raising mental health awareness. Monica Johnson is a clinical psychologist and owner of Kind Mind Psychology, a private practice in NYC specializing in evidence-based approaches to treating a wide range of mental health issues e. Information presented in this article may be triggering to some people. If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. Major life stressors, childhood trauma , or untreated depression are all reasons that someone might feel this way. This can be considered suicidal ideation , which means thinking about taking your own life. The rate of completed suicides is even lower—for every 31 attempts, there is only one completed attempt. However, passive suicidal ideation can quickly turn active i. This means the feelings can also be reduced quickly, including through promising new interventions such as ketamine infusion therapy and transcranial magnetic stimulation TMS. It may signify that you feel like much is outside of your locus of control , and those feelings of powerlessness can also lead to the hopelessness that makes it feel pointless to live.

It is important to recognize the difference between passive and active suicidal thoughts or ideation. Reply to Stephen. I am impulsive and Im afraid of my lack of control.

Content created for the Bezzy community and sponsored by our partners. Learn More. Medically Reviewed by:. I typed this into Google a year ago, my hands shaking as I questioned what I meant. I felt selfish as I typed it, thinking about all of the people who had been suicidal, worrying that I was being disrespectful to those who had actually lost their lives that way.

Trigger warning: This post contains a frank discussion of suicide pertaining to feeling semi-suicidal. September is Suicide Awareness Month, and in honor of that, I want to share my experience with feeling semi-suicidal. My hope is that other people who have occupied this awful in-between space will understand that what they're going through is very real, and someone else has been there too. Over the last six years, I've been semi-suicidal many times. Semi-suicidal is a state of being where you may experience suicidal thoughts or feelings , but don't necessarily want to die. This looks different for different people, but for me, it typically involves thinking something like, "I don't want to die, but I just can't keep living this way, being this person. When I am semi-suicidal, I truly don't want to die.

I dont wanna live but i dont wanna die

If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. That is the classic thought of someone living with passive suicidal ideation. Once, I was very stressed and depressed while coming home from a business conference. I just wanted my pain to be over. I wanted the choice taken out of my hands. At that time I was not actively suicidal. When I was suicidal, I had actual plans and plenty of means to carry out any one of them. The difficulty of choosing among them may have been what kept me from actually doing it. By then, my depression had lifted just enough for me to get help. It was easy enough later to make jokes about the passively suicidal occasions and most people took them as exactly that — jokes.

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August 6, February 6, Adam Fout. I recently started to take drugs to make the voices stop and to quit praying for death. The value of life has diminished significantly, and I am unsure how to get that back, or why It should even be a goal. Estimating the rates of deaths by suicide among adults who attempt suicide in the United States. If you have any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Inline Feedbacks. In a study, those who identified more reasons for living were better able to access those reasons, even in periods of depression. No longer do I feel a sense of purpose, no matter what steps I take to find one. Journal of Affective Disorders. Mental health professionals sometimes use a tool called the "Reasons for Living Inventory" to assess for suicidality, but you might also want to look at it on your own to begin to jog your memory of reasons you want to live. Christian Footman. Hate my parents for having me, hate God, hate sex itself as a hypocrite for the consequence of it. Hide my submission all submissions are anonymous. Get Help Now We've tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs , including Brightside , which specifically offers help for people experiencing suicidal ideation.

Theodora Blanchfield is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and mental health writer using her experiences to help others. She holds a master's degree in clinical psychology from Antioch University and is a board member of Still I Run, a non-profit for runners raising mental health awareness.

Now my mom has married only a few times, but my current step-father, he is a US Veteran as well, and he lost both his sons the one I said to Covid , he lost his sister, he lost his brother, he is circling 90yrs old, and I should give him some room, but it is him that gets me down, like I am now. I recently started to take drugs to make the voices stop and to quit praying for death. React below:. What negative thought are you struggling with? We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Information presented in this article may be triggering to some people. My little angel Juniper my little grandaughter has stolen my heart and moved to Costa Rica. Maybe it instead says, and reinforced with a great silence and silence has a way of speaking for itself…. Because I would imagine a creator who was at a time alone the only show in town so to say and created everything to know something of loneliness. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. You may be feeling desperate right now, but there are a number of things you can do, such as therapy, reaching out to your social support network, and safety planning. I loved my girlfriend probably more than anyone because I had become so codependent on her.